Father’s Day

June 13, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

Father’s Day. It’s a great day to celebrate the dads in our lives.

But this year I can’t help but think about my friends who are dads to children they will never hold.

We often think about the moms who have lost children. I see an article on facebook almost every day telling me how to talk to them, not talk to them, and what they are going through.

But what about the dads?

Where is their advocate? Do they feel lost in the background to the women they love and hurt for? Do they have anyone to turn to in order to express their anger, frustration, anxiety, grief, and loss?

I wonder…

I have too many male friends who never held their baby, only held their baby for a few moments, or only had a few short years to make memories.

And I wonder as Father’s Day approaches what they will think about…

watching his wife rock and sing lullabies to his child
dancing his baby girl to sleep at midnight
the baseballs that will never be thrown during a game of catch as the sun sets in the distance
letting his daughter dance on his feet at a friend’s wedding

Oh, it goes on and on just as it does for all the mothers. It makes my heart hurt…for both of them. It’s an incredibly helpless feeling when you can do nothing to take away the pain and hurt of a friend. But we can be mindful of what they are going through.

So this Father’s Day, I hope you will celebrate with joy and love your Father and the father of your children. I know I will be. But this year…well, this year I am also going to be more sensitive to those who instead of getting a World’s Best Dad mug might be mourning that he won’t be getting one.

Leaving Everything

May 17, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

Luke 5: 1-11

On one occasion, while the crowd was pressing in on him to hear the word of God, he was standing by the lake of Gennesaret, 2 and he saw two boats by the lake, but the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. 3 Getting into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, he asked him to put out a little from the land. And he sat down and taught the people from the boat. 4 And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.”5 And Simon answered, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.” 6 And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. 7 They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink. 8 But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” 9 For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken, 10 and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.”[a] 11 And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.

I’ve read this passage a dozen times over. I’ve heard many sermons on it. But when it was preached this last Sunday something caught my attention that I’d never paid much attention to before. It’s found in verse 11:

And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him. emphasis added

Peter, James and John left everything. I’ve brushed past that every time I have read it. But when I read this week…it made me stop and reflect on what “everything” actually meant for them.

In leaving their father, James and John left their inheritance, their livelihood. They left the responsibility that sons had towards their fathers.

These three men had just caught probably the biggest catch of their lives. I imagine it would have fetched them a pretty penny when selling time came that day. That could have had endless possibilities for them and their families. Yet they left it. The catch of a lifetime, the money, and the comfort that money would bring. The question we should be asking is “Why?” Really, who would do such a thing for a man you hardly knew?

Wes, the preacher man on North Campus of Revo, pointed something out that I, again, had never noticed. Gotta love it when those preachers do that.

If we pay attention to the text, we’ll notice that when Peter first addresses Jesus he calls Jesus “Master”. But after the miracle of fish jumpin’ into their nets Peter addresses him as “Lord”. Peter recognized that something miraculous and marvelous had happened in front of him and that it was divine.

Jesus chose to reveal his divine nature to these men. And in response to that revelation, Peter confesses that he is a sinful man, unworthy to stand in the presence of the one who has revealed himself.

But here’s where the gospel already begins to present itself. Jesus’ response to Peter’s confession is this: “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” Don’t be afraid that you, a sinful man, are standing before a holy God. Don’t be afraid that because I am holy and you are not that you will die. Don’t be afraid of the judgement that you deserve. It shall not be cast upon you.

But it gets even better. Jesus revealed himself to these three, and he tells them that now, they are not going to keep that to themselves. No. They are going to go and give that message to others because the gospel is not for us to keep secret but rather something to shout from the rooftops.

But still, we come back to them having left everything.

The gospel of Jesus Christ will cost us something, if not everything. You’re kidding yourself if you think it won’t or you believe in a gospel that is watered down so that it can’t cost you anything of real significance. However, the true gospel, the message that Jesus bled and died for, will cost us everything. As it should. He gave everything for me, for you. Shouldn’t I be willing to give it all to him?

He tells us to pick up our cross. He tells us when we lose our lives for him then we will find it. He teaches us that we cannot love the world and God. We cannot serve two masters. He asks me to give everything to him so that his name can be furthered, can be made known, can be glorified.

I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t understand why the gospel has to cost me so much. Why does it call me to leave everything? And I understand that your “everything” and my “everything” could be different. I have a friends whose “everything” has been everything they were taught because they were raised in a different religion. I’ve known people whose “everything” meant down-sizing so they could give more of what they had away to people who needed it. But still I ask why does it cost so much?

The answer I come up with is that if following Jesus didn’t cost me everything, he wouldn’t be worth following. He has saved me. Saved me from hell, from myself, from a life of unfullfillment and pain. He has brought up from the ashes and seated me with the princes. So yes, the gospel is worth every penny of my money, every person I have to say goodbye to, every article of clothing I give to someone, every moment I spend with someone who doesn’t know that love that he gives, and every sacrifice that is made.

The gospel is worth leaving everything because the one the gospel proclaims left everything for me.

Flowers, Trees and Surprises

May 4, 2014August 4, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

People showed up today.

At my house.

And they did amazing things.

About a month ago my friend Bre called to tell me the guys from our rGroup wanted to fix up the backyard as a surprise for Paul. After I finished sopping into the phone, Bre and I found a date that would work.

So today….

the Duck Dynasty crew paid us a visit. No, no. That’s just our friend Jake jackhammering on the jagged cement left over from the pool that once lived in our backyard.

Bre and Nikki brought me all kinds of wonderful flowers and pots to put on the deck. My deck now has color. See?

Nikki’s finance, Travis, is an arborist. He was in charge of getting all the dead trees down. Heave ho, Travis!

Mark was in charge of hauling the debris to the road. I failed to get a picture of the mountain of debris in front of our house. But so that you have somewhat of a mental picture…I can’t see the house across the street. That’s how high the debris is piled. I exaggerate not.

This is Cody, Mark and Bre’s son as he proves he is master of the ax. Can you handle…

the power that is behind this swing?

I think not….I.Think.Not.

It was not all work and no play. The kids had tons of fun pointing at the adults hard at work while the hardest thing they did all day was get their swings going back and forth.

See…I told you there was swinging.

And ladder climbing. I am pretty sure Lil’ Paul went around drinking any open Gatorade he found in the yard.

There was lots of laughter.

And playing in dirt.

So much was accomplished today. I have a flower bed, pots filled with beautiful flowers, and my yard now looks twice as wide as it did yesterday. Thank you sounds so trite. But thank you is what I have to give to Amy, Mike, Amy’s dad, Josh, Mark, Bre, Cody, Sierra, Jonathan, Nikki, Travis, Jake, and Lynsey.

Oh, and Paul was totally surprised. Gold star for me for keeping the big secret for a month!

Secret-keeper of the month,

MacKenzie

Never Too Late

April 28, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

About two years ago we had a massive yard sale to raise money for a team to go to Cuba. We had several big ticket items, one of which was a guitar. An older gentleman wondered onto the lawn and inquired about the guitar. Paul quoted him a price and somewhere in the process Cuba came up. Being a good yard sale bargain hunter, the man asked for a lower price. After a few minutes of going back and forth Paul finally agreed to the lower price.

Fast forward to this past Saturday. Our friends, Chase and Kelley Lambert, had a HUGE yard sale at our house to help get the last little bit they need for their adoptions. When I arrived back from a meeting and getting my hairs did (thanks Lauren) Kelley came up and told me about something that had happened while I was away.

A gentleman approached Kelley and told her that two years ago he came to a yard sale at this house and purchased a guitar. He had known that the money was going to a mission trip to Cuba but he had still haggled the price. He told her he for two years he has carried around the guilt of that. He handed her a ten dollar bill and asked that she give it to the people who own the house. A minute or two later he asked Kelley for the ten dollars back and gave her a twenty. Ten was to go to us and ten to Kelley and Chase for the adoptions.

Two years that man carried around guilt. Two whole years. To me, it is amazing that he acted on it so long after the event occurred when he could have dismissed it and moved on with life. I hope his conscience is resting easy now. I hope his guilt is gone. I hope in hearing about a mission trip to Cuba and a couple trying desperately to bring their children home from Africa he has seen a glimpse of the gospel being lived out.

This story is a great reminder to me that it is never too late to make good on something. It is never too late to mend a broken bridge. It is never too late to say “I’m sorry.” It is never too late to forgive or ask for forgiveness. It is never too late to get up and do that thing that you’ve always wanted to do. It is never to late to seek answers. It is never too late…for anything…ever.

It’s Baptism Time

April 25, 2014August 4, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

I’m super excited for Sunday to get here. Why? Because it is baptism Sunday. And let me tell you, it is an event to remember. We don’t just sit in pews quietly while someone professes to the world that they are a lover of Jesus. Oh, no we do not. We clap, we yell, we blow on really loud noise makers, we wave signs, we cry with joy, we C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E. Why? Because Jesus radically changing someone’s life is worth celebrating. If the angels rejoice when someone goes from death to life, shouldn’t we?

Who wouldn’t get excited about this? This is Malachi. He’s an awesomely cool kid. And Malachi, well, he’s my brother in Christ as of last year.

This is Mike. Mike serves hard ALL THE TIME. And on this day, he was super pumped.

And Star. Star came out of the water with so much joy that you had to see it to understand it. There are just no words to describe it.

So I look forward to Sunday with anticipation because I know what is coming, but even though I know what is coming it will new and different because different people with new stories of life change will be telling everyone how much they love Jesus. But to make it extra sweet, our friends and neighbors, Shana and Andrew, are being baptized together. It is such an exciting moment to get to be a part of. My heart is leaping out of my chest and I still a day and half to wait.

April First

April 5, 2014 / MacKenzie / 1 Comment

A few days ago my older sister, Julie, sent me a text message. This is what it said:

I had a former student email me today. She and her husband are currently in the Jackson area, but will be moving to Winston-Salem for him to finish his residency. They are interested in finding a church when they arrive. I told them about y’all’s church and she was interested. Would you give her a call tomorrow on her day off? Her name is Ella Funt and her number is ***-***-****.

Cold-calling folks is not my cup of tea, but she never asks for too much, so I thought, “Sure. Why not?”
I also thought I was sure glad I don’t have to walk through life with the last name Funt (if anyone’s name is actually Funt, my apologizes for offending you).

Some of you reading this are already laughing. Others, however, are like me. Hang in there…you’ll catch on soon. Hopefully.

The next day I called the number she gave me, but I encountered a couple of problems. 1) It was a business number. 2) I couldn’t understand what the automated message was saying.

I texted Julie.

Me: That’s her work number

Julie: Were you by chance able to talk to her?

Me: (With eyes rolling and a bit of sarcasm) No, you said today was her day off. Do you have her personal number? If not I will call her tomorrow.

Julie: I thought may be she got called in or something. That was the only number she gave.

Me: I’ll try again.

So I try again. Again, I get a somewhat garbled message at the beginning and can’t figure out where I am calling. I begin trying to enter her last name into the automated directory. F-U-N-T. “That name does not exist” Maybe I typed it in wrong. F-U-N-T. “That name does not exist.” So I press “0” trying to get an attendant. Nothing.

I text Julie again.

Me: I can’t find her at this number. I can’t even understand what they are saying on the message. She’s not in the directory.

Julie: That’s weird that you can’t locate Ella Funt at the Jackson Zoo.

And here’s your sign MacKenzie. Here’s your SIGN! If you still haven’t gotten it, run the name together. EllaFunt. Also known as Elephant.

The worst part is that she pulled the same April Fool’s joke on our brother, sister and parents. My mom warned my younger sister. That sister warned my brother. NOBODY WARNED ME. NOBODY. Thanks family.

So, I figured that since the rest of my family is having a good ole laugh at my expense, the rest of the world might as well too.

Your welcome. Now go dry your tears of laughter.
MacKenzie

Open-handed

April 2, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

I’ve been reading through Hebrews lately, and for the last two days I have been stuck in chapter 11. I can’t seem to make it but a few verses at a time before something makes me stop and ponder for a bit.

The first verse that made me stop was verse 8:

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. (emphasis added)

Genesis 12:1 says it this way:

Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.”

Abraham had zero knowledge of where he was going. Zero, zip, zilch, no comprende.

Abraham’s response?

So Abram went, as the Lord had told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran. (emphasis added)

Abraham went. He said “Yes,” and then God told him where to go.

What a great example of faith, of trusting God even if goes against everything society told him. God had a huge plan that would come through Abraham’s simple act of faith. Through the simple act of going an entire nation came into being and would show the world the glory of God. Through this one man God would make Himself known to the rest of the world. That’s incredible to me. I wonder if Abraham could grasp the magnitude of his obedience, of God telling him he would become the father of a great nation.

Most of us don’t have God telling us the end result of our obedience like Abraham did. We’ll never know the impact our obedience has on other people. The same goes for our disobedience. I hate to think about what my disobedience has cost both me and others.

I’ve written before that at the end of my life I want desperately to be found faithful. I want to walk in obedience, even if that obedience means I do not know what is coming around the corner. But I don’t want my life to just be obedient. I want to be open-handed with my life. Let me explain a bit. I don’t want to be close-fisted with my life, with my decisions, my possessions, my time, etc. I don’t want to hold it all so closely that it is a struggle for me to let it go. Instead I want to be open-handed with it all. Whether it be going across the street, helping someone in great need, or going overseas I don’t want to think twice about it. I don’t want to question. I want to be obedient without argument or doubt.

How I long to walk blindly in faith. To go because God is telling me to go. To not worry about the details. To not agonize over the decision. To not be concerned about what others will think. To just go and do.

I pray that God leads me to trust Him more and more as I continue to walk the path He has set before me. But even more than that I pray for open-handedness.

A Yelling Update

March 18, 2014 / MacKenzie / 1 Comment

Here’s some honesty….The yelling ain’t gone so great great the past week or so. Or maybe I should say the lack of yelling.

At times I have been:
impatient
overly frustrated
incredibly stressed
angry
to the point of tears
disheveled
exasperated

I was talking to Paul about it the other night, and I confessed that the last week or two I have not been the mom I want to be. I am so afraid that all my kids will know is a mom who is all the things I listed above. That breaks my heart. It makes feel ashamed. It makes me feel embarrassed. So much so that I don’t even want to spend time with Jesus. I am just too ashamed of my behavior, of not loving two people the way he loves them.

Paul gave me a great outside look into the situation. He said, “I’ve noticed you’ve been saying ‘No’ a lot to the kids lately.”

I thought about what he was saying. He was absolutely, 100% right. All the kids had heard me saying was “NO! NO! NO!”

Then I realized I was telling them “No” because I had a bunch of things I was trying to do. I had a check list in my mind of things that needed to get done and by-golly they were going to get done.
That’s part of who I am…I am a doer. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It is who God made me.

But I was so busy doing things for my kids that I stopped spending time with my kids.

What I was doing weren’t bad things. They are things that have to be done. Washing their clothes, making them food, giving them baths, cleaning at least one bottom. But in all that I failed to read to them, make play dough sculptures, color, watch a movie, pretend to be a dinosaur or ninja turtle, or enjoy a make-believe cup of coffee.

I was just too busy doing.

My doing for my kids reminded me that I can get too busy doing things for God to the point that I forget to just be with Him. And that’s what He desires. Me to be in relationship with Him. He wants my heart. From the beginning of scripture to the end He communicates this…it is our heart He longs for. How many times do I push off spending that intimate time with Him because I am busy doing things for other people (all in His name of course 😉 ) or maybe from being tired from all the doing? Sometimes the doing has to stop, even for a few minutes, so that I can refocus and all God to take hold of my heart again.

This leads me back to my kids.

When I am so busy doing things for my kids, and even for God, I tend to forget to be the hands and feet of God to them. I cease to live out the Gospel in front of them. My focus in on other things, not bad things in and of themselves, but when they consume me they transition from being good to bad. Paul and I are our children’s primary teachers of Jesus because we spend more time with them than anyone else. Out of the two of us, I spend more time with them because I am home with them all day. They will learn how God loves them by the way I love them. What if they think God is too busy for them because Mommy is too busy for them? What if they think God is a mean tyrant who will yell at them for any and every mistake because Mommy yells at them over the simplest thing? What if they think God is an angry God because Mommy is an angry mommy?

I’m not trying to give myself an overdose of control over my children’s lives. But I do know that our upbringing shapes who we are and how we respond to things. I know that God can work despite me and my bad parenting days. I know He can work through the issues they are going to have because of mistakes I make in parenting them. But I don’t want them to think that He is too busy, angry, and unforgiving.

So this week I am taking more time to play and inviting the kids to help out with tasks that have to be done. So far (granted it’s only Tuesday) we’re having a great week. As a result, I am not only closer to the kids but also to Jesus.

When We All Get To Heaven

March 13, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

From BiVo by Hugh Halter

The scriptures say that we might be told, “Well done, my good and faithful servant,’ which also suggests that Jesus can also give us the thumbs down for how we had lived life and managed the tasks he had ordained for us to do.

I’ve often thought about this moment and I’ve decided I don’t care f Jesus says, “Halter, you were awesome, the best one I’ve ever seen.” I’d settle for, “Halter, you were a blast to watch!” I’m not looking for an A-rating, but I certainly don’t want to have him say, “Hugh…I modeled true leadership, I gave you clear instructions to make disciples or apprentices of my kingdom, but intend you wasted your time managing church services, consumer Christians, and worrying about all sorts of things I never asked you to do….All I asked you to do was make people who looked, smelled, and acted like I did.

This paragraph has been in my mind for the last two weeks, and it has taken me two weeks to wrap my mind around it, come to grips with it, and to gather my thoughts enough to write about it.

Then today I read this in Restless by Jennie Allen:

But I can tell you that at the end of our lives, when we stand before God, these are the only things that will matter:

Did I do what God wanted me to be doing while I was here?

Did I complete the works he had for me?

Did I fulfill my purposes in my generation?

So instead of waiting until we’re standing in God’s throne room, let’s work backward and ask those questions now. Let’s live them today. Not for a salvation that can be earned, but in response to a God who built and rescued us as a part of his great purpose.

I’ve often thought about seeing Jesus. It is a wonderfully sweet thought. However, my thoughts have always stopped there. I’ve never really considered what he will say to me. I am a little afraid of what that will be at this point. I think overall I have lived an incredibly selfish life. I have allowed my insecurities and fears to hold me back, never understanding that in my weaknesses He is strong. I have been consumed with things inside the church instead of outside of it.

I am no longer satisfied to live my life so that it is centered around Sunday morning, focused on myself, and full of excuses and fears. I am ready to tell God, “Finally, I am all in, even the parts of me that are afraid and even my many weaknesses.” Honestly, though, saying that makes me a little bit nervous. Not about what he is going to ask of me, but rather that I will fail to do it, reverting back to my old ways and habits.

However, I know that deep in my soul I long for more, more than what I’ve always done, more than a life of ease that makes sense not only to me but to those around me.

When I get to heaven and stand in front of Jesus I want him to say that I completed the works he had for me to do, that I loved as he loved, and that I did what he asked of me without excuses. I want to be found faithful.

Lessons from Children

February 22, 2014 / MacKenzie / Leave a comment

We had beautiful weather here yesterday, so I decided to stroll the kids down to the grocery store to get some diapers for Lil’ Paul and then across the street to Tart Sweets, a neighborhood bakery. Little did I know what would happen when we entered the store.

Before I continue with the story of events that occurred yesterday I need to explain to you that my children have their father’s extravertedness (I think I just made up a word, but let’s go with it, okay). Gingernut more so than Lil’ Paul; however, Lil’ Paul will follow Gingernut’s lead. If she starts gabbing away with someone he will join suit. I love this about them, absolutely love it.

Back to our story.

While eating her chocolate cupcake topped with vanilla buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles, she asked, “Where’s the lady?”(meaning the lady who sold us the cupcakes and is also the owner)

“She’s sitting down working,” I said.

“I’m right here,” said the lady.

“Mommy, can I go talk to her?” Gingernut asked.

“Sure,” I said.

Gingernut proceeded to enter into a conversation with the lady for the remainder of our time there. She told her about the Ninja Turtle pancakes we make (they are just colored pancakes, but they make Gingernut happy). She also invited her over to eat them. During the conversation we exchanged names and had great conversation all because a four-year-old and then a two-year-old began talking to someone they did not know, who had sold them a great tasting cupcake. In fact, before we left Gingernut told the lady she loved her.

I think we’ll go back…and continue to build on a new relationship that was started by my children.

Paul picked us up from the bakery because I didn’t want to push the stroller uphill the mile back home and we went downtown to serve the homeless a meal and then help them check into the shelters they would be staying at for the night.

Gingernut and Lil’ Paul were amazing. As soon as we arrived Gingernut wanted to walk around to meet people. She engaged others in conversation, played tag with them, and served people napkins and hotdogs. Lil’ Paul warmed up quickly to everyone, playing tag and helping pass out food.

As I watched them, I couldn’t help but think about when Christ tells us when we have given food and drink to the least of these, we have given to him. I thought about how Christ tells us to care for those who can’t take care of themselves. I thought about how he dealt among those that others considered lowly, and I watched in amazement as my children played with, served, and talked to people that society today considers lowly.

They loved blindly, without prejudice, with the innocence that comes with childhood.

But isn’t that how we all should love? Isn’t that how Christ loved?

Last night my children did not see people’s condition and all the things that the rest of us think go with it. They saw people, and they treated them as such.

My children are teaching me many things: to speak to those I don’t know, to invite people into our lives, and most importantly to love with as Christ loved.