From BiVo by Hugh Halter
This paragraph has been in my mind for the last two weeks, and it has taken me two weeks to wrap my mind around it, come to grips with it, and to gather my thoughts enough to write about it.
Then today I read this in Restless by Jennie Allen:
I’ve often thought about seeing Jesus. It is a wonderfully sweet thought. However, my thoughts have always stopped there. I’ve never really considered what he will say to me. I am a little afraid of what that will be at this point. I think overall I have lived an incredibly selfish life. I have allowed my insecurities and fears to hold me back, never understanding that in my weaknesses He is strong. I have been consumed with things inside the church instead of outside of it.
I am no longer satisfied to live my life so that it is centered around Sunday morning, focused on myself, and full of excuses and fears. I am ready to tell God, “Finally, I am all in, even the parts of me that are afraid and even my many weaknesses.” Honestly, though, saying that makes me a little bit nervous. Not about what he is going to ask of me, but rather that I will fail to do it, reverting back to my old ways and habits.
However, I know that deep in my soul I long for more, more than what I’ve always done, more than a life of ease that makes sense not only to me but to those around me.
When I get to heaven and stand in front of Jesus I want him to say that I completed the works he had for me to do, that I loved as he loved, and that I did what he asked of me without excuses. I want to be found faithful.