The Fathers in My Life

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This is my father, who has loved me since I was born. He taught me how to hammer, plant a garden, change a tire, check the oil in my car, and repair a busted water pipe. More importantly, he taught me how to work without complaint, to help a friend in need, to put others before myself, to fight the fights that need fighting and how to know what those fights are, to trust God even when it is hard and I might not want to, to laugh at myself, never to lie or cheat, to have integrity, to do what I say I will do, to push through difficult situations, that sometimes being present is better than any words I could say. He is a rock. He is steady and stable. 
 
This is my father-in-law, who came into my life seven years ago. He welcomed me not only into his home but also his family without hesitation. He has loved me as his own. He works hard, plays hard, loves big, gives generously, helps always, and is open hearted. He also gives really, really good hugs.
This is the father of my children. He is devoted to them, loves them, teaches them to love and obey God, shows us all how to live out that love and obedience. He does puzzles, colors, plays puppy dog, kitty cat, and dinosaur, reads books, plays Candy Land, goes on adventures, turns into a tickle monster, splashes in the water, plays chase in the backyard, plays with play dough, and turns ordinary blocks into castles. And our children absolutely adore him.

It started with curls…

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I know this is an odd picture, but I promise it has a purpose. This post will follow a series of thoughts and conversations that started with the above picture of Lily’s curls.

I took the picture intending to write a blog about the perfect curls. How many of us would have killed to have these curls? How many of us all but burnt our hair off as we got ready for prom trying to create those perfectly twisted, bouncy curls that look as if when we woke up that morning God had changed the texture of our hair? My child wakes up every morning with the perfect spirals. Granted, you have to lift up the top layer of loose and frizzy curls to see those spirals but they are there nonetheless.

This led me to thoughts about how I hope Lily always likes her hair and never sees it as ugly or a nuisance or wishing it were a different texture or color. On the opposite side of that I hope she never becomes vain about it.

This led to a conversation at church on Sunday with two good friends. How do we, the church, teach our teenagers and children to love themselves as they are, to look for something in the opposite sex that goes agnasit what culture would tell them to look for, and most importantly, to seek after God above all else. (The conversation really did start with curls)

How do we teach our young women that negative attention is not good attention and you can be stylish without wearing pockets with zippers that stores like Abercrombie try to pass off as shorts? How do we teach our young men to look at a young woman’s heart instead of her body?

These are questions that I’ve never had to answer until now…or maybe I should have been thinking about it when I was in college and seminary but was too inward focused to see what was going on around me. Maybe I just didn’t care enough. I don’t know and it really does not matter. Because now I see the importance. I see the urgency. I see the need. I see the responsibility of the church to help and equip parents as they raise their children. I do not think it is the job of the church to raise children of its members. I do think it is our job to teach, train, and mentor alongside those parents all in efforts of pointing our children, no matter how old they may be, to Christ. It is a great responsibility. 

So the questions lies before us as we move forward as a church, “How do we train and teach our teenagers and children to live in the world but not be of the world?” What does that look like fleshed out? We have some ideas but if you have suggestions please let me know.

Charmed

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I have been thinking lately that I have led somewhat of a charmed life up to this point.
I have never had anything really terrible happen to me, and maybe I am going to jinx it by writing this post.

But now that I am getting older, as well as my friends, I realize that “charm” is short lived. I have never suffered the loss of a child, had someone I love battle cancer, been through divorce, suffered abuse…but people in my life have. I have held hands, shed tears, felt sympathy, comforted, held on tightly, offered words of encouragement, and carried burdens. It is in those moments when I find myself  thinking, “What do I say? I cannot relate to this.” And I begin to feel guilt…guilt over having two beautiful, healthy children, guilt that my husband is kind and good and faithful to me, guilt that my parents are happily married instead of bitterly divorced, guilt about the decisions I have made in my life.  But then several things sink in. 1. My life is really not that “charmed”. I have had to deal with things just like everyone else. They may not be as hard to get through but they have still been hard. 2. Instead of feeling guilty about my life and my family I should be forever grateful and thankful that I have been so blessed. 3. Life can change in an instant. One day I will be the one being comforted for some reason. 4. When I compare myself to others, in any way, the result is hardly ever positive.

I also have realized that in those moments when friends and family are suffering the most unimaginable kind of pain, words are not always necessary. The most important thing is not whether or not I can empathize but that I am present. Because sometimes all that is needed is a shoulder to lean and cry on in silence.

Holding on to….what?

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Today we were all in the backyard hanging out, enjoying the one day of nice weather we’ve had in almost three weeks…when suddenly the loud thunder of a lawn mower sounded. A scared Caleb, jumped, froze for a 1/2 a second and then ran to hold on to my leg.

What a neat picture of how God is there when we are scared for us to hold on to. But then I thought that while I was the person that Caleb immediately ran to, God is often not the first person I have turned to when frightened, dismayed, fearful, stressed, full of anxiety, etc.

But I am learning to…albeit slowly. Why I choose other people, food, TV, social media, etc to help me through difficult times instead of the One who knows the number of hairs on my head I will never know. But I am so grateful that He is teaching me to trust Him more and turn to Him first in all things.

Psalm 34:4 “I sought (some version says cried out to) the LORD and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”

Ceasing to Strive

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I have been striving. On my own. Trying to figure out what is coming. What is around the next bend and the one after that. I have been filling myself up the last two weeks with worry, anxiety, trying to find solutions to things that haven’t happened yet.

Yesterday, my pastor spoke about how less is more. Less of me means God can have more. If I pour out all of me, He has more room to fill me up.

This morning, I read a blog by a friends who, going through a different situation, was more or less struggling with the same thing. She wrote “Be still – cease striving – and know that I am God.” Words that I needed to hear. That I needed to believe. Cease striving. Know that I am God. Not you.

A few minutes ago I heard Jeremy Camp’s “Walk by Faith.” Some of the lyrics are below.

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way  – Have you never NOT guided me before?
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day  – Am I just reading your Word or am I absorbing it and applying those truths to my daily life and walk with You?
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see – Do my actions say that believe even when I can’t see?
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me 

Help me to win my endless fears – “I cried out to you and you heard me and took away all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
You’ve been so faithful for all my years – Again, I ask myself, when have you NOT guided me and been faithful?
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I’m broken- but I still see Your face – I continually mess up, don’t listen, try to do things on my own, but You never leave, never change, never forsake. You continue to make Yourself known. Why? Because it is NOT about me.
Well You’ve spoken- pouring Your words of grace

 
How thankful I am for reminders that
1. It is not about me, but Him
2. If and when I decrease, He will increase.
3. He has never left me or forsaken me.
4. When I don’t know, He does.
5. It wouldn’t be faith if I knew what was coming.

It’s been a while and lessons I learn while Paul is gone

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I have a job besides the job of mother, house cleaner, chef, launderer of clothes, and bather of children that 9 months ago consumed my life. I guess most of you know that I work of Forsyth Technical Community College…you also know that since starting said job I have done little in the way of blogging. Blogging takes time…and time is something I am constantly running out of.

Here’s a brief catch up on the last few months though:
Caleb got teeth, learned to crawl, started eating big people food, learned to walk, can high five and throw a touch down signal up in the air on command.
Lily has more hair than I care to comb out at night with tons of sticky stuff tucked away in the curls that are comsuming her head. She is also a caring, funloving little person who loves to be tickled.
Paul is in an undisclosed country…for the second time this year.

This leads me into lessons I learn while Paul is gone. The first time I can remember paul going away for several days we were still in Italy. Lily was still very small and Paul and our then supervisor, Charlie, set off to go to the east coast to a Hill Song conference thingy. In case you didn’t know, I am a person who is, by nature, fearful and dramatic. I create scenarios in my head and then become so overwrought by emotion that I am a heaving sob of a mess curled up in a fetal position on my bed. So, needless to say when Paul left me for all of two or three days I was a big fat mess…until I read Psalm 34:4, “I cried out to the Lord and he heard me and took away all my fear.” That one verse calmed me, soothed me, comforted me. It continues to be a verse I cling to.

Paul left for the before-mentioned country on Sunday and fear and dramatic scenarios began to creep back in. As I journaled last night I asked myself, “Do I trust God in things when I don’t know what is going on?” You see, Paul had a little hiccup on his journey and I won’t hear back from him until he gets back to the US. This has the potential to create worry. So I ask myself again, “Do I trust God even when I can’t be there, when I can’t see, when I have absolutely no idea what is going on?”

I guesst that is the question of the week.

It is Well

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Sin is a nasty, ugly thing that has put a great divide between us and our Creator. During the past four weeks at church I have been reminded of my sin and its severity, its weight, its burden, its cost.

My sin deserves punishment…it deserves death. Why? Because I, an unholy, unrighteous woman cannot stand before a holy, righteous God in the filth of sin that covers me.

But what makes the Gospel so great, so amazing is that God looks at Satan and says you have been defeated. My children are no longer a slave to sin and to you. They are mine and I am theirs.

How? Our punishment was paid by the only one who could pay it…God himself in human form.

These verses of “It Is Well” reminds of my sin, the price that was paid for it and that I am no longer a slave to my sin. I am forgiven.

        Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, 
 let this blest assurance control, 
 that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, 
 and hath shed his own blood for my soul. 
  
 My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! 
 My sin, not in part but the whole, 
 is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, 
 praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

The Tragic Duck Story

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This is a story out a duck names Fred. Fred lived next door with her family of humans to a friend of mine. Fred was a good little duck. She never bothered a soul, just minded her own business going to and fro in her fenced in back yard.

Fred spend her days basking in the warmth of the sun on her back porch, on rainy days swimming in the rain filled back yard, and chatting with the other neighborhood animals about all the gossip and ongoings of the humans they lived with.

One bright, clear day Fred and her human went to the pond at a nearby park. Next to the park was a field, where a donkey named Gabby lived. Gabby was a nice enough little donkey, but she could be very bossy and did not like others getting too close to her field for fear they would try to take some of her delicious, sweet grass.

Fred’s human thought that Fred might like to chat with Gabby since it had been a while since they had seen each other so she picked up Fred and sauntered up to the barbed fence.

Gabby, however, was not happy at all to see Fred because the last time she saw Fred, Fred had told her she was looking a little thick around the middle and she should maybe consider laying off the sugar cubes and eating more oats.

When Gabby saw Fred at the fence she hee’d and haw’d as loud as she could. Fred was startled and tried to fly away but her human was holding on to her too tightly and when she went to fly away….she broke her neck. Yes, she broke her neck.

Gabby, feeling terrible at causing the death of such a nice little duck tried to console Fred’s human, but to no avail. Fred’s human was unconsolable.

Later that day, all the animals in the neighborhood were notified about the tragic events. A memorial was held and Fred was laid to rest. A memorial was put atop of grave to remember the nice little duck who basked in the warmth of the sun.

*This is based on a true story however some liberties were taken. I wanted to share it because I thought it was funny in an odd way because who has ever heard of a duck dying from breaking her neck while trying to escape a donkey that was hee hawing at it?

In Case You Didn’t See It….The Conclusion To the Nomadic Love Story.

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This is for Elizabeth and Heather, who have been sitting on the edge of their seats in anticipation to how it all ends.

We rode off into the night in that white convertible, not a care in the world. We were young and wild and free. At least for a couple of weeks.

After honeymooning in Mexico we began the process of settling down to married life in out one bedroom apartment in Fort Worth. I taught piano lessons every afternoon and night and Paul finished school and worked. Since we could not afford cable, after all, we were living on love…and not too much money, we watched scrambled television at night or played Super Nintendo. If you haven’t played on a Super Nintendo in a while and by a while I mean 15+ years, then you should do so just so you can better appreciate the graphics of modern technology.

Before we knew it we were celebrating our one year anniversary. We decided to take a quick trip to San Antonio. We’d heard great things about it and it was the one thing we wanted to do before leaving Texas. We were so excited about the trip…until we learned it would be raining the one weekend out of the summer that we were going to San Antonio.

We arrive in San Antonio…it’s raining. We begin walking downtown….it’s raining. We visit the Alamo, which is right smack in the middle everything, and it’s raining. We go into every store that only sells Mexican art and knick knacks and it’s raining. We walk to the other side of the stinkin’ town and it’s raining. We get chased by a crazy man and it’s raining. We get splashed by a huge truck while walking down the sidewalk to the other side of the stinkin’ town and it’s raining…..You get that’s it was raining, right?

The next day we started out to Sea World, and what do you know? It’s RAINING!! We immediately buy ponchos and what do you know? It STOPS RAINING AND DOES NOT RAIN AGAIN THE ENTIRE DAY! But, we got really close parking and our bottoms did not get wet due to the over priced ponchos we had purchased.

I was never so happy to Fort Worth.

It was during the last months of that first year that we started our journey with the International Mission Board. We went through a lengthy application process, spending hours at Panera Bread taking turns filling out the applications on our one laptop because, since we were living mostly on love, we did not have money for internet. We went through a three day conference in which we finally chose Naples as the place we wanted to serve. That decision was hard to say the least for me. Actually choosing a place to go had many implications. It meant saying goodbye. It meant moving far away. It meant never seeing some loved ones again. This weekend was the first big challenge in our marriage. After some long talks and lots of crying we were on the same page and I was able to feel some excitement.

Three months later we went through training and two months after that we were living in Naples, Italy, which is when this blog started.

When I started this saga Paul and I were anticipating our five year anniversary. We’re now fight at six. It’s taken a while to notate everything.

The last six years have been a whirlwind to say the least. Here are just a few things that have contributed to that whirlwind.
Eight moves, four different cities, and two countries.
Two children, each born in a different country.
We have learned a new language.
We have traveled Europe.
We bought our first house.
We have gained family.
We have lost family.
We have learned that home is where the other one is.
We have captured a glimpse of how much our heavenly Father loves us when we look into the faces of our children.
We have said goodbye to family and friends more times than we have cared to.
We have started over twice.
We have learned love is an action, not a feeling.
We have learned forgiveness is something you choose to do, and like love, is an action.
We have had a lifetime of adventures, all them together.
We have loved, laughed, cried, fought and come through it together.