A few weeks ago I wrote about yelling and how I am trying to kick yelling out the door of our home. Let’s add to that sassy pants, attitude, and grunting. Bear with me folks, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
Tonight, I want to share a side effect of being more intentional with how I speak and interact with my children. By being kinder to my children, I am becoming kinder to my husband. Shut the front door!
And you know what else? We spend more time together…more time talking, laughing, joking around, talking about Godly things, and the general hanging out. It’s been unbelievable. He wants to spend time with me!
Why has this side effect occurred?
I have a theory, which stems from the wisdom of God.
“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” Proverbs 12:25
As I mentioned in the post about yelling, when I yell I have stress, frustration, and anxiety. However, when good words flow from me, I am glad…interesting how that works.
“A soft answer turns away wrath; but a harsh word stirs up anger” Proverbs 15:1
Harsh words stir up anger not only toward my children but also my husband…all innocent bystanders of a woman who can’t rein it in and control her angry emotions. Poor Paul gets the brunt of it, and a lot of times he doesn’t even know it. It’s rantings in my head directed at him. Poor guy.
I wonder if Solomon was directing the “wrath” and “anger” at the person giving the “answer” and “word”. It changes the proverb a bit, doesn’t it? Instead of a soft answer turning away someone else’s wrath, it turns away my own. Instead of hard words stirring up anger in someone else, they stir up anger in myself.
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
This needs no explanation.
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.”
Hmmm…I really don’t want my house to be described as a “desert land”.
Why is my husband responding to me differently? I truly believe it is believe God is changing me from the inside out. I am not quite as anxious anymore. I speak kinder to the children and him. I am less quarrelsome and fretful. I readily admit that perfection has not been achieved, folks. Not even close. Just this past week…forget last week, today…I had a moment where I just completely broke down because one of the children would not put clothes on. I was in a hurry. We had places to go and people to see. And I couldn’t handle the frustration that came with my child wanting to play instead of change clothes. Sheesh! And because I did not control my feelings, anxiety came in and began to weigh me down. Harsh words began to raise their ugly heads.
So, is it going perfectly? Well, no. No it is not. However, sanctification is a process. A beautiful, hard, some painful, joyful, send me to my knees process.
And I am learning that the side effects of that process are sweet beyond reason.